Neuropsychiatric testing done - now waiting for results

Last Friday I took my husband to the neuropsychologist for the testing. The testing only consisted of a 45 minute interview and a 1 1/2 hour test. I wonder how that is supposed to give us an accurate diagnosis. I did give the neuropsychologist the 3 pages of notes that I had typed up. I was concerned that I would just look like a pushy controlling wife, but she genuinely wanted everything that I had written.

When we left the office, my husband pleasantly stated, "Well, I think I did really good on the cognitive tests. I've been practicing on memorizing things." I thought, "Oh, crap." One of his old therapists explained to me why it is often difficult to get an accurate diagnosis for someone like my husband. Even if he can go into an hour long appointment and appear normal or even take a memory test and not bomb it, doesn't mean he can function normally in everyday life. It will be three weeks before we go back and talk with the doctor about any results.

My husband and I aren't exactly on speaking terms right now. Last weekend did not go well. After his tests were done, we went to lunch and eventually ended up at his first therapy appointment with this new therapist. I left quite unhappy. For some reason this therapist wanted to do couples counseling and encourage us to bring some romance into our relationship. That is not where I am. I just want to learn what is going on and learn how to deal with this sanely. I don't want to have sex with him; I just want to learn how to be patient and not end up yelling at him, out of total frustration. I really do stink at dealing with this stuff.

I think I have learned my lesson finally. I did the same thing that I did the weekend before, that did not work. What is wrong with me? Why do I continue to think that if I just explain things to him about why his behavior toward my daughters is wrong, he will finally get it? He cannot get it. I cannot tell if he won't or can't. I just get upset and he gets upset. So on Saturday morning when we were doing our horrid merry-go-round thing, we both got upset. He yelled, I through a cup of luke warm coffee on him. (I had never done that before). Boy, was I frustrated. At that, he yelled really loud calling me names and cursing at me. He stormed out of the room and went and called my daughter to tell her what I did. I went and took a bath.

I also do not deal well with him lying to me about stupid things. He lets the dog on the bed when I am gone but insists he's not. I can tell by the way the dog is behaving that she is getting use to sleeping on the bed. Now, this in itself is not awful (I just put an old blanket over the expensive comforter), but it is the ridiculous lying about it that unglues me. So right now, I am just staying away.

I am reading a book titled, "The 36-Hour Day." It is for family members of people with dementia. I really relate to what I am reading. However, I do not believe that if we are facing what I fear we are facing, that I will really be able to do it. The problem is there is no one else to do it. I do not believe his sons who live clear across the country would step in and take over if needed. Nor do I believe his sisters who live even further away are in a position to take over if he needs it.

Of course, it could come out that he doesn't really have a dementing degenerative disease after all. Perhaps he has another mental disorder. If that is the case, perhaps he can take care of himself if he gets a small apartment. Time will tell all, won't it?

All I know right now is that we need an accurate diagnosis. He needs the right medication, and I need to learn how to emotionally disconnect while I still manage his care, both legal and medical care. I wonder if he will go to his next appointment on Friday with his new therapist. I am not going to remind him about it. Maybe he will remember, maybe he won't. We'll see.

Until later...
Emma