Finding the right doctors

What a frustrating experience just to find the right kind of doctors. I am still waiting for the appointment for my husband to have the neuropsych tests done over again. I should at least know tomorrow when the appointment will be. I am also trying to find a geriatric psychiatrist who specializes in dementia and also takes our insurance. I finally got the name of someone good. Hopefully tomorrow I will be able to contact her office and at least get an appointment for him.

I am also trying to get him back into therapy with the only therapist that he liked. He went to her a few times and then she changed jobs and works with the VA now. Trying to get him to see her through the VA is ridiculously difficult. He is registered with the VA, but yet I am told that he does not qualify because he makes too much money. Then someone else tells me that doesn't matter since they will bill our insurance, and he will just pay his copay. So yesterday I finally found a direct number for the therapist. I called her and left a message. She called me back tonight and left me a message with her cell phone number. (The phone tag stuff again.) So I called her cell phone. She said she had talked with my husband months ago and he had said he was doing what he needed to do with the VA to be able to see her. She never heard from him again. I explained to her that if he was actually going to see her, it would have to be worked out by me and her. She is certain that he can see her and it be billed through our insurance. She is suppose to check on the process tomorrow and call me back. This is unnecessarily complicated, isn't it?

Sometimes I still think I am just making things up, and that it really isn't as bad as I am making it out to be. I want to believe that I am just exaggerating, but all I have to do is read my own notes, and I know that I am not exaggerating anything. It is very confusing to me, because sometimes he seems so brilliant. He can talk so intelligently and other times it is obvious that something is wrong with him. Sometimes I think it is my fault, that I am causing all of his problems. I feel like I am just being a bad mother to him. But the fact that I feel like his mother at all shows there are big problems.

Once I really understand what is happening with him, I think I will have an easier time being patient. Now, I don't want to sound like I am always awful, because I am not. I am only awful when he is doing something that I think is stupid or he is telling me he did what I asked when he didn't. Then I try to reason with him and that falls flat. Then I get upset and he shuts down. But the thought of having to really accept that he will never act like a normal man consistantly is really scary.

The nightmares that I often have do not help the situation. The memory from last night's dream is mostly gone, except for the vague memory of a man trying to manipulate and destroy something about my life. I am not even going to try and remember the rest of the dream, for it was not pleasant.

Until next time...
Emma James