Back to the beginning: Testing for Alzheimer's

As you can tell by the date, it has been several months since I have written. So this post might be lengthy.

When the doctors told me that my husband was actually being diagnosed with pseudo-dementia caused by depression and was treatable, I was relieved. He was taken off the Aricept and put on an anti-depressant. I expected him to get better. I wanted to believe the doctors. However, things are not better.
During the summer when a friend of his was visiting from his home state, she went to lunch with us. I admit I was an emotional wreck. Why wasn't he better yet? When we went to lunch, he ordered salmon. After he finished eating, he matter of factly stated, "I'm ready for my salmon." I told him he just ate it. He replied, "No, that was duck salad." His friend was a bit taken back and assured him that he had eaten salmon. He only responded with, "Oh, I thought I had eaten the duck salad." Back to the doctor we went. He upped his anti-depressant.

Because things have been so stressful on me, and I really stink at dealing with this, I am currently staying with one of my grown daughters. I go home weekly to check on my husband. He is still working, so he can obviously take care of himself well enough. I do have him call me nightly to let me know he took his meds. Sometimes he forgets.
We rented out three of our upstairs bedrooms to some nice men to help with finances. I like knowing my husband is not alone. Plus it helps me when I learn that one of the renters told my husband NOT to let his dogs out of the kennel because he is training a Great Dane puppy. What happened? My husband forgot and let the dogs out. So now our renter has locked the kennel. He's a great guy and understanding. Plus, I think he likes living in a big old house with plenty of property so he can put up a kennel for his dogs.
On Thanksgiving, we invited my husband to come for the day. I am only an hour from home, so I'm not very far. I invited him to stay the night with me and reminded him to bring his sleep apnea machine and meds and all. When he got here, what had he brought for a sleep over? Only his toothbrush. I was worried. So back to the doctor we went. The doctor upped his anti-depressants some more.

Not to mention the frustration I am experiencing of trying to keep to a budget when my husband transfers money from our main account into his personal spending account without telling me. Then I am short when it comes time to pay the main monthly expenses. I become highly irritated because I am thinking I am dealing with someone I can reason with and one who will understand and remember to stick with our plan.
When one of our renters moved out because he wanted someplace he could smoke and party, I asked my husband to put our ad back in Craigslist. I had listed it the last time but really wanted him to be responsible for it. Well he did. I only had to make a few corrections, but nothing too major. The ad stated that we had a furnished room available for a mature male. Within a short time, my husband received an email from a (supposed) 28 year old female nurse. He called me and told me about the email. I was reluctant but basically said, "Talk with her on the phone and we'll discuss it." Within a few days, I received an email from my husband telling me the room was rented and he had taken the ad down. I immediately called him and told him "No way." Had he even talked with this woman? "No." He didn't have a last name or phone number for her. He sent me the string of emails from their communicaiton. I about choked when I read them. It was very obvious that if this was really a woman then she was severely mentally ill or it was a scam.

I tried to explain to my husband why we could not rent to this person. He could not understand it. This (supposed) woman, who could barely write English, stated she was under the care of her uncle. She offered to go to a coffee shop or a bar or do anything spontaneous with my husband if he wanted. He didn't even remember that part of the email. So we just argued over the phone and he thought I was just being judgmental of this poor woman. I immediately headed home. When I got home, I read the entire string of emails. I was even more shocked with my husband's childish respones and agreement to accept her cashier's check and deposit it immediately into our account while he waited for her car and belongings to be "shipped over" from just a few states away. (The cashier's check was actually being sent by Fed Ex, which we could track online.) I was actually embarrassed by his email to her about how wonderful she sounded and how she would fit so well into our little family.

I told him if she were a real person, she was absolutely NOT moving in with us. But I was quite sure it was a total scam and was horrified to read that he had actually sent this unknown person our complete names and address with complete instructions on how to find us. At that point I took over. I emailed the person told "it"the room was not available and that if the cashier's check arrived, I would return it. This person quickly and rudely responded with he would only accept the money back by Western Union or he would believe we were scamming him. My husband finally believed me. I wrote this person back and basically said, "If the envelope actually gets to us, I am sure the cops or a federal agency would love to get your cashiers check." We put a note on our door for Fed Ex stating that would we sign for NO packages. Fortunately, that was the end of that. The room is rented to a man who works with the other men. I am pleased with the temporary arrangement.

Over the past few months we have continued to have problems with my husband forgetting things but telling me that he did whatever I asked. I of course find out the truth and then can't figure out if he really thinks he did what I asked, or if he is just fibbing to me to get me off his back. Boy, this gets frustrating.
So back to the doctor we went again. This time I decided I had to deal with things differently. Usually I go and am obviously a basket case, crying and all. This time, I got dressed up like a professional geratric care manager and tried to pretend he was my client and not my husband. I think I did a bit better.

The doctor is ordering the neuro-psych tests to be done over again. It has been about 8 months since they were done last time. He will also be referred to a neuro psychiatrist or geriatric psychiatrist. I realize that I am really his only advocate at this point. So for my own sanity, I either get a divorce and just totally leave, or I take charge and learn to be persistant with the doctors in a sane and less emotional way.
I have consulted with a professional geriatric care manager who's specialty is Alzheimer's, and she has assured me that it is very normal for the spouse to have a very difficult time when dealing with issues such as these.

I believe that when he gets diagnosed properly and I get the proper help and advice for myself, perhaps I will learn how to better manage things and not feel like I stink so bad at it.
I plan to write often describing this journey.

As I acquire readers to this blog, I hope to hear from you often as well.
Emma James
Husband with Early Alzheimer's