For some reason since last weekend, even though the 2 days went better, I am not in the most positive mood. That is a bit depressing. Having to face the fact (part I already knew) that while I am the only one really trying to help my husband, he criticizes me behind my back, making it appear nothing is wrong with him, just me. It appears we just have a bad marriage (which we do), and he just has a controlling wife (which he may). But that is not all there is to it. When I found out, by his admission, that last year when I was trying to deal with people at his work about how he was doing, his benefits and all, he was talking negative about me. No wonder they misunderstood what I was trying to do. No wonder, they all of a sudden have a protocal to follow that won't allow them to speak with me about anything, even though I have a durable power of attorney. While to me, he was encouraging me to speak with them, to them he was making me out to be controlling and a pain in the a--. That really upsets me.
Since we have only been married for 7 1/2 years, I am rather the newby on the block. He has worked for this same company for 31 years and is doing mediocre work. He is not excelling in anything anymore. Last night I told him on the phone that if he does not have a degenerative disease but is just being forgettful and obstinate, then I want out. I can tell that if he does have Alzheimer's that he really wants me to stay and be there for him, but if he doesn't, he does not want to give me anything in the case of divorce. Over the past few years, we have made some really bad financial decisions. We both made them, like buying a big house we should not have bought. You see one problem that we had when getting married at 49 was I could not really ask how much money he made. Whenever we wanted something I would say, "I can't afford that. Can you?" It was always "Yes." Well, really too many things went on credit cards or loans. Now we are suffering from it.
Last night I explained to him that I know he has been financially hurt over these past few years like I have. I also explained that while everything I made (since I am self-employed) went to our living expenses. I have saved nothing, while he has a pension and savings automatically taken out of his pay for his retirement fund before he even gets paid. So while he may be in a bad financial situation too, he has continued to accumulate a retirement fund and of course the pension through his work. I raised grandchildren for 7 years and worked part-time, saving nothing. Everything I made went for groceries, clothes, utilities, gasoline, gifts, etc. You know what I mean. Even the inheritance from my dad went into the house, which we may eventually lose.
If my husband truly has a degenerative brain disease and I stay to take care of him, once he is gone I will have a small widow's benefit from his pension and life insurance from him. I am sure whatever he has in his retirement fund will go for his care. If he doesn't have the dreaded disease, I certainly don't want to wait until I am 80 for some small widow's benefit. Perhaps this sounds cold, but not having had a long loving marriage does not motivate me in wanting things to stay as they are for the next 20 - 30 years.
I don't want to be cold and calculating. I just don't know what to do. I am also concerned that our next appointment with the neuropsychologist willl just be inconclusive. I just want to know if my husband's problem is degenerative or if he is just plain forgetful and odd. He wasn't like this when I married him, or was I so consumed with taking care of young children that I just didn't notice.
I'm confused.
Emma
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I think my husband may have early onset Alzheimer's either that or he is just really passive aggressive. I have just started to read your blog, I've already been reading a lot on the web today and my eyes are tired. He is quite scary to be with sometimes and I know a divorce will not be fun, he plays nasty about money. We have a 6 year old daughter. His father died at around age 65 from Alzheimer's and I'm pretty sure his grandmother on that side of the family did too. They don't talk about it and there is not much family on his father's side anyway. His father was always a major grump and unsociable. Lousy father. My husband's parents divorced when he was around 10.
ReplyDeleteOh, we are both 42 years old by the way. I also call him the King of Chaos, it's all so weird and hard to describe (if there is anyway to screw up or forget something he does it), and makes me sound like I'm being a bitch, but I'm not, I'm a very patient person but after 15 years, I don't have the energy anymore. Instead of working on himself, he gets all indignant. Sometimes for short spurts he will work on being better but it doesn't last for long. We are trying our 3rd marriage counselor. **sigh** not what I wanted for our/my future. My last ultimatum a couple of years ago for not getting a divorce was for him to get a time planner and use it, but he did it only for a month or so.
ReplyDeleteHi im julie i feel for all of you however try and be patient. my aunt died of alzheimers at a young age, my mum has got it and now at 42 i have been told i have. It is a most horrible ande horrific illness not just for the person who has it but the loved ones. you feel that you have lost your loved one its hard for me when my mum asks hows you mum. my mum is my best friend she was allways there for me. i have two children they are going to go through what i wenratit through and it breaks my heart. the only good thing to come out of this is that i seeked help i went to see the doctors as i knew the symptoms so i will get treatment that will slow it down. i know its hard but yoy mustnt let this illness win your love ones who have it need you more than ever it is frustrating for them just be there for them and give them qulity of life. juliex my email adress is juliehumphrey.68@live.co.uk
ReplyDeleteCaregiving for my new husband back when for 8 of our 10 years of marriage before he died adored and at peace weeks after a tragic hospital mistake was life-altering indeed: greatest and most appreciated learning experience of my life. I would do it again in a heartbeat. I chose to change myself and was determined to adapt well; expecting others to change or to control what is beyond one's control is, after all, futily. I didn't try to change my husband; I changed my expectations. It was he, not I, who was struck with dementia and facing the biggest changes that the disease would bring about. What I could control was learning, being a devoted and loving caregiver, strengthening my compassion and patience, etc. The depth of our bond and the love, respect, and admiration we shared was, and remains in my memory, nothing short of unforgettable and inspiring. We brought out the best in each other. None of his dozen serious chronic conditions could weaken our positive attitudes if we didn't let them. We saw firsthand that one thing indeed can transform any dreaded disease, any of life's biggest challenges, and does live on after death: LOVE. We made a conscious effort to make the best of our marriage vows despite the diseases; we threw out selfishness and open our minds to learning more. We chose love and virtue. We chose those ideals as our path to move through all of it and past life's superficialities and any naysayers, any gloom viewers, and any adversity. We truly made the best of what we could and in the end we were witness to the joys of true love and friendship. With Gods' grace, we had kept our promise at the forefront, where it belonged: "Love is patient, love is kind..." (1 Corinthians 13:4)
ReplyDeletemy boyfriend of two years let me for another girl because i accuse him of seen another girl and since then i have been trying to get him but he refuse to come back to me,he was not responding to my call or email and he even unfriend me in facebook and he told me that he is done with me.i was searching on the internet for help and i saw a testimony of how a spell caster help them to get their ex back so i decided to give it a try and i contacted him and i explain my problems to him and he cast a love spell for me and guarantee me of 3days that my ex will come back to me and to my greatest surprise the third day a great miracle fell on me and my ex come back to me on the third day and he beg me for forgiveness truegiftspell@gmail.com i will continue to publish his name because he is my Savior and we are about to get married.if you need him to help you Email truegiftspell@gmail.com
ReplyDeleteFor those people who's relative are Alzheimer’s Disease sufferer and maybe reading this, I find it hard that people are still ignorant of herbal medicine when it comes to treating Alzheimer’s Disease.
ReplyDeleteI have been through many phases over the last couple of years since my father's diagnosis, he was 53 years old and had Early Onset Alzheimer’s Disease and his diagnosis changed my life in many ways, I spend most of the time in denial and I keep thinking the tests were wrong. But deep down I knew they were correct. Though sharing his story is very difficult. He was always very successful in being able to accomplish anything he set his mind on doing. Alzheimer’s is a bitch of a disease. It began by robbing his recent memory, but it didn't stop there. It continues to steal, taking the most recent memories until it has pilfered all but the oldest memories, he experienced a decline in his ability to think, remember and make decisions. I feel a need to express my thoughts and feelings about how it affected his day to day living and how its deteriorated since despite the help of some wonderful medics and medicine.
I remind myself how lucky to come across Charanjit rychtova's herbal medicine which is able to control this disease without any side effect, I felt a moment of relief hoping that he is free from this ailment, and nothing compares to the healing power of nature. Now I believe almost every health problem can be addressed in one natural way or another. The only thing I wanted was for him to feel better. I’m proud to say my Dad is Alzheimer’s free. You can also contact him for more info. charantova@gmail.com
Having Dementia disease knocked my grandma off her life and had her living like a mad person, I did know how the better part of her life eluded her, my mind was completely splatted in two, She showed a severe decline in her mental and cognitive skills in the last few years of her life and her quality of life had deteriorated greatly in the last 3 years of life where she was mostly bedridden. I am very glad my partner sought help and now she is free from all signs of psychosis. She was healed through the herbal medicines from Dr Charanjit, I do not wish to go the same route and I manage to live a fairly active and healthy lifestyle.
ReplyDeleteHere are her words "Finally, can you imagine what it would feel like to be NORMAL again, like I were before I was struck down by this horrible condition that you never asked for, and don’t deserve?" Sounds great doesn't it?
You can contact him via email charantova@gmail.com He is well known for his groundbreaking treatments concerning the brain and mind issues.
In my own case it was just over four years ago when my Mum began to sound different on the phone. She lived back East with my siblings and my husband and I were living on the West coast and in phone calls it became apparent that my Mum's voice no longer had the same tones of excitement and humor that she used to; and instead it was very flat. At the same time she began to tell us about a situation at work that just didn't seem possible; she was complaining that a group of fellow workers were conspiring to get her. Although Mum had much academic success as a teenager, her behavior had become increasingly odd during the past years. She quit seeing her friends and no longer seemed to care about her appearance or social pursuits. She began wearing the same clothes each day and seldom bathed. She lived with several family members but rarely spoke to any of us. Obviously this whole story seemed very unbelievable and we sensed something was wrong but had no clue as to what it could be. We recommended that my Mum quit her job and look for something else - as we began to wonder if she had a "mental breakdown" and would get better once out of the stressful job situation.
ReplyDeleteIn the case of Mum, she was having persecurtory delusions, auditory hallucinations and negative symptoms that had lasted for at least Three years. All of these symptoms fit with a diagnosis of Dementia. Her story reflects a common case, in which a high-functioning young adult goes through a major decline in day-to-day skills. Although family and friends may feel this is a loss of the person they knew, the illness can be treated and a good outcome is possible as it all got better when we started using a herbal medicine for her through Aparajita.
My recommendation to people who are either wondering if they have DEmentia or wondering if a friend or loved one has Dementia should contact aparajitatan@gmail.com. I think one of our key problems was that we didn't do this in the early days of my Mum's illness as we never thought of a natural alternative for her.
DOES HERBS WORK FOR DEMENTIA?
ReplyDeleteThis was the same question that prompted me to read further a testimony I saw on a blog. I would like to tell a story - hoping it will be useful to others - of my struggles and achievements with Dementia. I was diagnosed a little over 4 years ago, No doctors I met have any treatment or even suggestions apart western medications. I even sought advice on Youtube, to no avail. After using the conventional approach to medication treatment without improvement. I am glad something happens fast. There have been suicides due to people not being able to continue on living with the endless memory challenges. It is horrible. I learned about Dr. charanjit herbal medicine that works effectively for me without any negative effects. I have returned back to my normal life and I hope that the symptoms do not return again, It really helped me! If you have Dementia kindly contact Dr. Charanjit for help and necessary solution (charantova@gmail.com)
i am ERIC BRUNT by name. Greetings to every one that is reading this testimony. I have been rejected by my wife after three(3) years of marriage just because another Man had a spell on her and she left me and the kid to suffer. one day when i was reading through the web, i saw a post on how this spell caster on this address AKHERETEMPLE@gmail.com have help a woman to get back her husband and i gave him a reply to his address and he told me that a man had a spell on my wife and he told me that he will help me and after 3 days that i will have my wife back. i believed him and today i am glad to let you all know that this spell caster have the power to bring lovers back. because i am now happy with my wife. Thanks for helping me Dr Akhere contact him on email: AKHERETEMPLE@gmail.com
ReplyDeleteor
call/whatsapp:+2349057261346
i am ERIC BRUNT by name. Greetings to every one that is reading this testimony. I have been rejected by my wife after three(3) years of marriage just because another Man had a spell on her and she left me and the kid to suffer. one day when i was reading through the web, i saw a post on how this spell caster on this address AKHERETEMPLE@gmail.com have help a woman to get back her husband and i gave him a reply to his address and he told me that a man had a spell on my wife and he told me that he will help me and after 3 days that i will have my wife back. i believed him and today i am glad to let you all know that this spell caster have the power to bring lovers back. because i am now happy with my wife. Thanks for helping me Dr Akhere contact him on email: AKHERETEMPLE@gmail.com
or
call/whatsapp:+2349057261346