I'm back home for a couple of days, depending on the snow storm that is coming our way. Last week when I came home, I spent about $200 on groceries and household items for my husband from my account. I came home and cooked up 12 dinners and froze them for him. Because of his (my opinion) poor spending habits, I told him I was not going to put any money for groceries into his account. I would buy the groceries and see that he had what he needed. So that is what I did. In his personal spending account, he has enough for gasoline for the month plus about $150/month for other things he may need.
So when I left last Saturday, he had about $100 in his account for the week. On Monday, I checked our online banking to find that he only had $40 left. How had he spent $60 over the weekend? I called him. Well, $33 had been spent on t-shirts he had ordered that said, "Foxy News" with a picture of Sara Palin on them. That was extremely immature to me. Then I noticed that the very day I left, he spent almost $30 at the grocery store. I had just spent $200. What in the world did he need for $30 the very day I left. He told me he purchased hearing aid batteries. Okay, he needed hearing aid batteries. I get that. But $30 worth? He said he bought 2 boxes and each box cost $15. That did not sound right. I of course do the, "Are you sure?" stuff. Of course he was sure. Each box cost $15.
So this weekend when I came home, I went to the same grocery store he went to and picked up a few things. I checked the hearing aid batteries. Were they really $15/box? Of course not. They were $8.99 a box, like I remembered. So I called him at work and asked him about it. He insisted he had only bought hearing aid batteries. I told him they were not $15/box, they were only $8.99/box. I let him know that I was frustrated that I could never get an honest answer out of him. To that he could only reply,"Man, they overcharged me." I was getting frustrated again, "No, they did NOT overcharge you. You just either do not remember what you bought or you are purposely lying to me again." I'm quite sure the cookies sitting on the counter were purchased by him and not the housemates. I don't care if he buys a box of cookies. I do care that I cannot get an honest answer out of him, whether it is about the dog getting on the bed or what he bought at the grocery store.
It is really impossible to know what he can help and what he cannot help. What if the doctors come back with the stupid idea that he is normal? Well, this is not normal, but what is it? I'm feeling very frustrated right now and do not understand what is happening. He will be home soon. Gotta go.
Until later...
Emma James
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Hi Emma, I totally understand & get what you are frustrated about! We have a lot in common as my husband is the same as yours & has early onset AD. He drives me NUTS as he cannot recall alot of things that he had just done or was told to do, etc... I am glad that your hubby can still work, as mine was an exec. VP for a Co. & was malfunctioning due to his disease, which took forever to diagnois. Did you get your husband tested for his memory probs? It's been 3 long yrs. since he has not been working & we have young children, college freshman aged & such.... Life is tough, living w/someone who isn't going to get better. I have to remember to take deep breaths... & realize that a person who has dementia cannot control what he or she lacks. It's sad but true, hang in there!
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