When inappropriateness happens

My grown daughters have complained at times because they thought my husband seemed to be inappropriate with them in the past by things he said to them. This was a couple of years ago. If I believed them at all I just tried to explain that he didn't mean things the way they took it. It has caused hurt feelings between some of my daughters and me because of this.

Yesterday my husband was telling me about the time years ago when he and his first wife and their young son went to see his father who had early onset Alzheimer's disease. His father looked at the child and couldn't remember his name and merely said, "Oh you brought the kids with you." Then at that point, he saw my husband's wife (who he really did know) and went towards her as if he was coming on to her. My husband could spot right away what was happening and merely steeped in and said, "Dad, this is my wife." His dad hesitated and finally realized and remembered his wife. The wife was very put off. She didn't understand how he could act so out of character.

When my husband told me this story, which he had told me before, I said to him, "Now, can you understand why my daughters were put off when you said things to them that could be taken as "coming on to them?" He thought about it a bit, and finally realized that yes he could see how that could happened. And even finally admitted that perhaps he had behaved poorly. I expect he will forget that he could see how he contributed to their put off feelings and will go back to blaming them for being so ridiculous and over-reacting.

I explained my husband's story about his own dad to one of my grown daughter's who he had offended and she finally said, "Well, that does explain why he would act out of character." I think she was relieved to know I really did believe her. I was just trying so long to support my husband and I of course had no idea what was going on with him. I knew in his right thinking he would never say something as inappropriate as he had said.

He has become more moody lately. He was always the rock and I was the moody one, so this is difficult. Today while I was trying to talk with him, he said, "You hate me don't you?" I thought what a horrible thing to say. I assured him that I did not hate him. I told him that I do not feel hate for anyone. He of all people should know that. But I was frustrated and he interpreted that as me hating him. I asked him if he could remember to please NEVER accuse me of hating him. I may be hurting, but I am not hating anyone.