Watching my intelligent husband forget things makes me cry

Tonight I am crying a lot. My little dog is even concerned about me. She comes up to me and wines and puts her paws on my lap and wants to lick my hands to make me feel better. She, of course, doesn't understand why I am crying but seems to understand that I am in pain. It concerns her to the point that she won't leave my side.

At what point will I have to explain to everyone what is going on? Now I understand why sometimes I have felt like I was dealing with a 5 year old in a man's body. My husband is so intelligent and sometimes so high functioning and then other times can't make a decision about anything, and I have to give instructions on everything. The latter is becoming much more often.

I seem to always be caught unprepared. Today we were out mowing the lawn together. I use the push power and he uses the riding mower. He would ask me where he should mow and I would show him. He then asked me if he had ever told me that once he owned 24 acres in the next county. I wasn't feeling very nice and said, "Yes, about 100 times. You have even showed it to me." Then I felt bad for the way I said it. But I don't even think he even knew I was being rude.

Sometimes our conversations seem so normal and other times I feel like I am trying to reason with a 3 year old. And I am very worried how this is all going to affect the grandchildren we are raising. When I think about how frustrated they already get at times and that it is going to get much worse, I just cry. They do not know there is something wrong with him. And because they are still young, they will never know him as being normal when they are older. When I think about that, I cry more. Then I think about him forgetting them, I cry even harder. I sob for the children.

We have a video camera, but my husband has forgotten how to make the DVD's from it, and I never knew how. I need to learn. I need to take a lot of video's of the children with him, so they can remember him in a happy way. But I must learn how to make the DVD's. Why does it scare me so? It is very overwhelming. I am quite an intelligent person, so I don't know why I am so afraid of all of the things I do not know how to do. He loved all of the electronic gadgets and I didn't. Sure I like taking digital pictures and I know how to crop them, upload them, download them etc., but making DVD's with the video camera is more complicated then the old video cameras of days gone by where you just taped right onto the VHS and then put it in your video player and watched it.

Everything seems to scare me right now, so I just cry and pray for strength and a way to make more money to make up for what we will lose when he leaves his job on disability. I have ideas, but I can't accomplish them if I cry all of the time.