Things are not going well. When I had my husband in the last time to the Neuropsychologist for the neuropsyh tests, I was told he was cognitively normal. I was totally frustrated. I asked them "What is wrong with him then? Her response, "Well, I don't know. But what you are experiencing with him is not what is showing up on the cognitive tests." At that point I had had it. My husband was so excited that he did not have Alzheimer's. Unfortunately I was not. That was the only explanation for the nightmare we have been living. He has been charged with a hideous crime, which I could just not believe. But now I believe it. His lying is getting completely out of control. Since he does not supposedly have Alzheimer's and is "normal" I don't want to put up with the lying anymore. So the other night I challenged him on his lying. I knew he was lying. I could actually prove it. So I confronted him. He is an excellent liar. No mattter what evidence I gave him proving that he was lying, he just got angrier and denied everything. Even though he was in the middle of doing something on the computer which was exactly what I said he was doing. At that point he grabbed me by the arms, twisted them and shoved me against the door.
I told him if he left a bruise on me I would call the cops. He retaliated with, "Well I'm going to call the cops first." So he ran to the kitchen and called 911 and told them "My wife won't leave me alone and is trying to get me to hit her. I want some cops out here right now." He then said to me, "Well, you're going to really get it now." I told him. "You are so stupid. You are the one in trouble. You are the one waiting for a trial, and you are the one who left bruises on me." He then went outside and waited in our driveway in his pajama bottoms for the police. How embarrassing. He complained how he had to get up at 4 in the morning for work and I wouldn't leave him alone.
One of the officers looked at the red marks on my arms and told me if I had bruises in the morning I could go to the Sheriffs office and file assault charges. I told her we would be okay for the night. He would sleep in his room and I would sleep in mine.
What I didn't know was that he had a loaded gun next to his bed. I probably wouldn't have been so brave to stand up to his lies if I had known that. I'm glad I didn't know. They are out of the house now. The next morning I did file charges and put a temporary restraining order on him for 5 days. I had quite the bruises on my arm. He is still working and driving, so seems so very normal to many people. But this incidence I think shows how abnormal he thinks. The police who have had any dealings with him before know he seems quite strange. But the doctors say he is fine. They do not know what they are talking about.
The detective and D.A. were delighted to see me. Because they could tell that I was finally coming to my senses about things he might have done. I still know something is majorly wrong with him. I am going to ask the Judge next week when we see him about the assault charges I brought against him to make him get a regular psychiatric evaluation. We'll see if the judge will make him do it. He certainly won't do it on his own. I really am quite angry with the doctors that I have been pleading for help. They are going to wait until he is in prison before they realize something is wrong. I'm quite angry with the medical process.
I know this is a very negative venting post, but this is very frustrating. His behavior really is more than I can handle. Since he has proven to be "normal" he is compitent to stand trial. He thinks he is going to walk away from the hideous charges that were made against him months ago with a breeze. He doesn't seem to have a clue that he is probably going to end up in prison. If he had been proven to be incompetent, he would have been placed in a state hospital. That is better than a prison.
Time will tell. But I am really getting tired of dealing with this with no help from doctors. If he doesn't have dementia of some kind, I hope somebody finds out what is wrong with him some day and can get him help. Every year he gets worse. He was not like this 8 years ago.
Well I will keep you posted unless I decide to delete this complete blog. The situation is getting so horrible.
Emma James
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I am a neuropsychologist in England. From your description of your husband's problems I think it is possible he may have frontotemporal dementia which usually has an early age onset and can have a genetic component (runs in families). It is often misdiagnosed as depression in the early stages as there is a lot of personality and behavioural change. Performance on memory tests remains OK for quite some time. Sufferers show changes in behaviour such as inappropriate sexual behaviour, agression, overspending and appear to lack insight into the impact of their behaviour on other people.I would urge you to read up about frontotemporal dementia (Pick's Disease) and insist on further investigation, including a brain scan.If he did have a diagnosis such as this it would be relevant when considering his mental capacity in relation to criminal charges.Good luck.
ReplyDeleteEmma I can relate to your story completely. I live in New Zealand and for the past 10 years my husband has been treated with depression /post traumatic stress - and I notice the neuropsychologist in England mentioned - inappropriate sexual behaviour, aggression, overspending, lack of insight into the impack of their behaviour on other people!! I left my husband end of March through stress and he straight away was on the internet looking up "pretty women" to engage with. He went out with 10 and One pretty woman moved in to our home 3 weeks after I left. I dont understand what is going on except he told me I was the enemy for the last few years. I always thought he was sick and has been on medication for the past 10 years and seeing a psychologist for the past 5 years however is clever enough to tell the psychologist what he wants to hear. Jane
ReplyDeleteEmma, as his wife, I think you probably have a good idea whether something is wrong with your husband. He obviously isn't "normal" for him. This is the first post I've read so I don't know what hideous crime he is accused of committing, but I believe you are in danger. It sounds more like he needs psychological care than jail time.
ReplyDeleteHas he had an MRI or PET scan? If he has dementia and it is affecting him to that extreme, brain changes should show up.
You need to look out for yourself! Whether he has dementia or is suffering from a psychotic break, he is dangerous.
My husband turns 61 tomorrow. At the end of this week I am hoping to get him into assisted living.
ReplyDeleteA month ago I got a diagnosis on him of dementia. I was floored. I was also told that he has a calcified tapeworm in his front lobes (brain). I wanted a divorce for years, then he lost his job, and I realized there would be no financial assistance from him. His behavior got more and more bizarre, I was terrified of him. Even bought pepper spray to defend myself. My sons wouldn't listen to me when I said I was afraid, and constantly left me alone at night with their father. One of my older boys moved back in with us for a few days, then decided to stay because he saw that I couldn't handle this situation. I finally got him into a health care and got to a doctor who, on the first visit said to start making arrangements. The Alzheimer's Association was a huge help with info and resources and advice on what to do. Our lives are a living hell. He gets worse by the week. I found out he took up with his old mistress and even though she tried to scam him out of his social security, he doesn't care. So now I am his caretaker and will be tied to him via paperwork and social services and don't know how to get away. I just hope this residential home will take him and that we will get some peace and so will he.
Hi I just stated taking care of someone with Alzheimer's I just want to know what I'm getting myself into can you enlighten me? I really want to do what is best for him also I've been reading your story I hope you guys are ok beckyhester@live.com
ReplyDeleteI recently found out my Mother has Alzheimers. I tried living with her, for 6 weeks. Im sorry to say, I couldn't handle her. She seemed to get meaner, by the day. Her Dr. told me, she had EARLY onset Alzheimer's... BUT she was mean, and VERY forgetful. She insists she doesnt have it. That she is misdiagnosed. She insists she wants to live alone, until she cannot. She will NOT, let anyone care for her, in her home. I have a brother, that lives next door to her. But we dont speak. He got her to give him control, of her money, and bank accounts. Thats ALL he wanted. I REALLY dont know what to do, or how to help her. Especially when shes refusing help. She repeats herself constantly. She doesnt even know what day of the week it is. She tried throwing her meds away, when I stayed with her. Shes probably NOT taking them now. (She was put on Aricept) Im worried sick constantly. I live about an hour away from her. WHAT CAN I DO TO HELP HER?
ReplyDeleteI feel VERY sorry for anyone, who is dealing with this condition. Im glad I found this page. She tried to slap me 2 times, but I ducked out of the way. I could use any advice I can get. Thank you!
I am grateful to find this blog. I hope you are able to find support, Emma, for your situation. It is difficult. My husband has dementia, but like your husband and like Anonymous's, he has a very forceful personality and his delusions tend to be accepted by others. I am also grieving the man he used to be, and find my own ability to cope is compromised by my emotional grief over this and my inability to let go. I am becoming stretched beyond limits but feeling paralyzed and exhausted. No one is violent in my household yet, but there have been a lot of close calls. I do hope your husband is able to enter a hospital, Emma, rather than be charged with a crime. The doctor's comments should steer you in a good direction to look for MRI back-up on this.
ReplyDeleteAnonymous whose mother has it is very similar to my situation – my husband refuses help. I have no advice - other than hang in there and take care of yourself as best you can. Your brother will have to be responsible for her if he took her money and lives so close. There must be a doctor or social worker who can be made aware of her condition and can advise you. Best of luck.
Reading your March/27/2010 post was like reading a suspense novel. I got very worried about what could happen to you. It seems to me your husband has become very dangerous. Please, consider the idea of protecting yourself by moving away from him. I grew up in a home with conflicts very similar to those you described. My father was never clealy diagnosed but he had a Jeckyl/Hide personality that only apperared at home, to his wife and kids. It has like living in a twilight zone. When the night was over, and the next day came, he was always back to normal, he felt sorry, he tried to make up to us by offering gifts and so on. Then there would be some nine or ten days of calmness in the house. As a kid, I hoped it would never happen again, but it always did. My mother left the house only when we all married (me and my two brothers) and she was left alone with him. I wish she had done that long before.
ReplyDeleteAre you still keeping up this post? It has been a life line for me. My husband is 57 and showing the signs his moth did. I finally had to move out but spend most of every weekend there to be with my dogs, see what he needs, try to keep up the yard. But my husband throws alcohol into the mix. He is starting to have major job problems too. Wish there was someone to go to
ReplyDeleteKathy in Cowtown
THIS WAS QUITE UNBELIEVEABLE TOO FOR ME,HOW COULD LOVE SPELL BRING BACK YOUR EX BACK THROUGH SOME LOVE SPELL,BUT DESPERACY PUSHED ME INTO THAT POSITION OF TRYING IT.I CONTACTED THE SPELLCASTER WHOSE EMAIL WAS QUOTED IN THE TESTIMONY,psychicpela * yahoo com,
ReplyDeletei paid the required fee and said the required prayers,days later,my man came back home apologising for his wrongs deeds...choice is yours,keep sulking or act..check out psychicpela.webs.com
glad for this column that I stumbled upon. Husband has abnormal brain mri, loss of short and long term memory, repeats himself a lot, angry at least thing, kicks down doors, yet doctors will not believe that he needs help. he is only 56 and I have seen changes in him for at least 6 years. How long will be before the doctors will see the behaviour I do and I can get him some help. I know he has dementia as I have to tell him each step to take in his attempt to approach any project.
ReplyDeletei just hit on this site, for 22 years my husband has been jekyll and hyde. he takes to the bed for days at a time, moves out frequently in the past however the recent four years he has been living overseas. throughout all that he has supported me = he says he doesnt tell me what to do however his actions and moods do control the household when he is around. two months ago he finished his job overseas and returned to live here. things were great for a week or so and then his attitude / behaviour deteriorated. i managed to get him to our doctor who called the assessment team and he was admitted until the act. have had a couple of test overnights but he gets aggressive or latterly retreats to the bed again. we dont have children but i have two small dogs. he says i love them more than him....today i have an appointment with a lawyer to get a non molestation order in place so he cannot come home. i feel so guilty as the man i love is in there still. there is no evidence of any brain damage on ct scan although he has used over the counter medications at will in the past. he hates all professions, wont take care of his own being but complains re teeth etc. his life is one long complaint or silence. being turned inside out is no longer an option for me as i have a major health problem. i think it comes from being in the marriage and blaming myself for not being good enough to help him.!
ReplyDeleteHi Emma
ReplyDeleteMy husband has a similar behavior and his mother did die of something similar to either frontotemporal or Lewy Body dementia. He is more and more stubborn and causes accident and breaks things in the house. He almost burnt our house twice. He is slow and cant understand anything told to him once, so we have to repeat everything. He also doesnt understand harder concepts and forgets what he ate yestarday or where he has been or who came to our house.
He has never been able to show affection and has something that might be Intermittent Explosive Disorder. He goes into a rage for no reason, at least I have never seen anyone to go into a rage when someone's dog poops close to his or her car.
Hi everybody
ReplyDeleteI just wrote the above comment. My husband had many head injuries and his IQ is low. He cant read, right or speak any language properly. He has auditory halluciantions now and he is trying to cope with that. He asks if I have called him when I havent, but he heard me calling him. When I say to get some help and get checked out he says that nothing is wrong with him and the best proof is that he still works and drives. Well learnt skill and driving skill is what they lose last, he doesnt know that. Every time I say he should go to the doctor he says that I am trying to make him crazy. He goes to the doctor quite often but for all sorts of different things. The doctor hasnt noticed anything, which is strange. He is very slow to catch on and understand things said to him so I am surprised that his doctor wouldnt suggest that he gets his brain checked. He scares me by going into a rage because he is frustrated from something that happened at work. I am supposed to shut up and not be seen or heard because he had a hard day at work. Few times, I have come really close to calling 911.
I just want to give caution to anyone reading this that may be caring for someone with early onset alzheimers. My uncle was diagnosed with early onset earlier this year. My mother, his sister, went to help get him into a home. He became violent and beat her to death. :-(
ReplyDeleteAs I surely hope this is not "normal" for early onset, what I've read leans towards that they just really don't know enough about it. Don't make any assumptions and please take necessary precautions, especially when starting new medications.
I'm sorry to say the problem may not be dementia but simply a bad marriage. My parents were the same way, increasingly more angry and violent. My mom became paranoid, anxiety ridden and would occasionally go into catatonic states, while my dad became more depressed, suicidal, sedentary, and prone to blind rages. Every year they would get worse, fights threats and arguments increased and I increasingly had to care for them both as they became less and less functional in life. I don't believe they have mental illnesses though, only that life has beaten them down. Both spend their time blaming the other for every problem that has happened in their lives, rather than taking responsibility and focusing on positive movement to improve themselves.
ReplyDeleteOh my gosh. You are living my nightmare. My husband is verbally abusive, will do nothing around the house and throws temper tantrums like a 2 year old. It gets worse all the time. We live in a large house and i just moved into the guest bedroom because I can't be his wife and his caregiver. When i let down my guard he is mean and I just get more angry. His memory loss started about 10 years ago. The verbal abuse has driven off all of our family and the kids won't come over anymore. I have a wonderful support system but my biggest problem is getting over my resentment about having to pick up after him if i want to live in a clean house. He was a clean-freak before. Sometimes people live too long
ReplyDeleteI could relate to everything you said.I just wish you and I could connect,because I feel totally alone with this.
DeleteMy husband of 26 years has FTD,even though all the idiot Dr.s and specialists have not classified it as such.The past 10 years have been a nightmare for me.I don't have much support.My husband still works and drives,but is making more and more errors on the job and in the car.I feel like I am losing my mind.He is now 57 and started acting like a different person about 10 years ago.
ReplyDeleteMy 4 adult sons are in denial about it,so I can't talk to them about it,for 6 years or more I sleep alone.It is worse than having a spouse who is dead,because they are in the house,and don't talk to you,or start fights and argue all the time,throw tantrums,accuse you of things.It is to the point where I can't say anything to him,he turns it around and makes a huge deal out of it.I feel like no one understands.He thinks he is fine and I am trying to say he is crazy.We don't have medical insurance anymore,and he refuses to go to any more Doctors.For 4 years I took him to numerous specialists,Doctors.All of them were complete idiots.The last specialist said husband does have some brain shrinkage but that we need marital counseling.How can you go to counseling with someone who is out of his mind,and thinks he does nothing wrong.I need to talk with other people who are married to someone with this dreadful disease.Thanks for letting me vent.
ReplyDeleteHi.
ReplyDeleteI am so glad I found this.My husband is a different person, goes into a rage in a second over a towel being out of place, depressed, negative about my degree course, im 57 years and he doesnt show any understanding re my career change. the verbal abuse has reached an altime high. the swearing is shocking. Next day he is a different person again and doesnt seem to comprehend what he has done.Dont know who to tell,
Hi,
ReplyDeletesorry i forgot to mention, he had a brain injury when he was four years old. I dont know whether this has anything to do with what is happening now. I have een to see Doctors as I think he has frontotemporal dementia. A couple of years ago he was doing inappropriate sexual exposure of himself on a sex site. he waould never have done that before. Since then He has lied about things to my face and says get the proof then. When i gave him the proof that he asked he to give him.... emails to prostitiutes he denied it eeeeeeven with the proof and went into a rage. I found postcodes on our lap top that had been google earthed and he said he didnt know why they were there.I have had numerous lies lately over things like bank statements or just simple things like I will say why did you shout and swear, then he just denies it. had i not taped him on my digital recorder( for me to listen to) I would think it me who has dementia. Can anyone help me as in giving me support. i feel exausted and drained.
I am living with an elderly man who has had behavioral problems his entire life but presents well for psychological evaluations. He is now 87 old, a smoker for most of his life and is now having psychotic breaks or temper tantrums with threats of violence - at the drop of a hat. Everything sounds like frontotemporal dementia except he does not have any sexual behavior. The fact that he has had a long history of behavioral problems is making it more difficult to determine what he is presently suffering from. 2-18-2012 at 8:16 e.s.time: "I'm going to stab you in the heart!" response to asking him to bring his tax related documents to me (about 10 feet away) while I was eating a quick dinner in the kitchen. He has no pain or physical disability except hearing loss.
ReplyDeleteAm Sonia, i base in USA. i had problem with my ex boy friend some months ago. And he was cheating on me which hurt me badly,and he was also avoiding me,He no longer pick my calls.I was totally confused cos i don't know what to do.There was a day i was surfing the internet i came in contact with this spell caster who have helped so many people in their relationship.So i contacted him and explain everything to him.And he told me to do some things,I did the correctly.To cut it short.My ex boy friend gave me a call and said to me that we should have a date,i agreed.On the date,He was begging me to have him back and i agreed we are now together as one again,Planing our wedding. Thank you oracletemplesolution@live.com for rescuing my relationship.....continue your good work oracletemplesolution@live.com....
ReplyDelete